Ten lessons I’ve learned from my husband

Sally - Us sunglassesHave you ever noticed that a search on marriage quotes ends up with almost exclusively negative quotations? There are a lot of unhappy and discontent people out there in the world. Usually when I write about husbands and wives, how much I love my husband, the bliss of married life, or anything related to those topics, I receive at least a few responses that basically lean toward the idea that it is ‘easy’ for me because (you name whatever you think is more perfect about my life here). After 21.5 (since 1991) years of marriage, I can honestly say that I still believe in love and I am so utterly thankful for the blessing of our marriage.

I am convinced that our foundation in Christ is at the heart of our beautiful marriage. I believe that my husband is perfect for me and that if we’ve done one thing right in the past two decades it’s been how we’ve loved one another! I know when he looks at me that he is crazy about me and I am still weak at the knees over him. Yet, don’t mistake that for perfection. Don’t assume simplicity. Don’t imagine that marriage has to be perfect to be wonderful. We are two imperfect people, well aware of one another’s imperfections!

Let me tell you something that you may not know about us. While we love one another deeply and passionately, we don’t agree about everything. Yet, sometimes we vehemently disagree. When you take two people with strong convictions and throw in some controversial topics and 24/7 living together, you will rarely find complete agreement, but you can still find peace and harmony. You can still find love and happiness.

There really isn’t one part of our life together that’s the best part. It seems like everything is the best thing–the wonder of happy times, shared joy, the sacredness of intimacy, precious memories, the vision of our children overcoming the worst of us and blossoming in the best of us.

What about those struggles and disagreements? They are the best thing, too. They make us rich in life lessons. I am richer because of our disagreements because they are often when I learn the most! Some of them are lessons that we find in other places (i.e. God’s word), but they are lessons that I’ve required lots of good examples and help to *really* learn.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from my husband:

Faith can move mountains (Lord help my unbelief!) I can’t count how many times I worried or failed to see the vision. Yet I saw it through his eyes and the answered prayers brought me to my knees.

Just because it crosses my mind, doesn’t mean it has to cross my lips — Bridling my tongue has taken two decades and I’m still working on it. Sharing is okay. Venting can be proactive. Discretion and caution are critical!

Some things are not nearly as complex as we think they are — To this overanalyzing girl, this is a tough one. His ‘just the facts’ perspective has helped me see this!

You can’t make people change — We plant seeds. God gives increase. I read that in God’s word, but I always need reminders!

Find the best in people — There are few people in this world who have absolutely nothing good in them. Even in the darkest souls, perhaps, there is often something beautiful waiting to be awakened. I’ve learned to look for that beauty, that bit of goodness!

Love people for who they are NOW, not who you want them to be — This is closely related to the two previous lessons. It seems simple, I know. After all, God loved us first. Still, I’ve needed a lot of help with this one! I want to love those who love me and those who don’t, those shining and those reaching upward, and – yes – even those wallowing in the mire!

I am not always right — I realize this should be a given. No matter how much I research, how many experiences I’ve had, how many times I’ve discussed a certain point…changing my mind isn’t being tossed to and fro and it isn’t a sign of weakness!

Even when I’m right I can be wrong — I can be right and handle things badly, this is wrong! Thanks to my husband, I am constantly reminding myself of the importance of patience and diplomacy.

I have a lot of growing to do — No matter where we are in life, this is true! Digging deep in God’s word will keep me reaching upward toward the goal—thankful to have a godly man by my side!

In his eyes I am wonderful just the way I am — I know that he will always be honest with me and will never let his love for me stand in the way of the truth. I know he loves God first! Yet, when I am overwhelmed or concerned or struggling with any number of things, knowing that he is my strongest advocate and my biggest fan and my heir to grace is beautiful to me.


Category: Musings
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