The beauty of intimate love in marriage: loving your husband

Sally - Burning-love

Wives are created to be helpers to their husbands to fulfill God-given needs. This study is designed for wives, not husbands. This means that, while there are a great many things God says to husbands, the focus is on what we should do as wives, whether or not our husbands are fulfilling their parts. This is written for wives, and for those who hope some day to be wives! Obviously, the subject matter is mature, but I have made every attempt to be discreet and what follows is certainly appropriate for young ladies who understand that physical intimacy is a part of the marriage relationship!

My husband needs to feel that I desire him. Sometimes experience, circumstances, hormones or health issues might make intimacy challenging. I need to communicate to my husband that I am truly on fire for him, but that fire might need some extra help being kindled. Husbands and wives need to communicate effectively to kindle that fire and keep it burning! Lighting my fire for my husband isn’t optional, it is absolutely imperative. It is part of our relationship and must be nurtured. This is true for all wives. We need to see intimacy as a beautiful gift from God.

Seeing intimacy as God designed it will help us to love our husbands as we ought to love them and as they need to be loved. Sometimes loving one’s husband and nurturing the marriage relationship comes naturally and sometimes these things needs to be taught. If you need help loving your husband, seek wisdom from God’s word and from happily married wives!                        

Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

God has designed wives to desire their husbands. We need to understand that intimacy in marriage is part of God’s amazing design for our relationship, and is a blessing – it is GOOD! This is not something to take lightly. We must never consider a husband’s needs inconvenient or burdensome. We must consider our husband’s individual needs and put them above our own, even if they differ from our needs. It is wonderful when husbands and wives are in sync and desire one another mutually! It is still wonderful when we must work to submit ourselves when our needs might not be exactly the same. I know from talking to many women that this is something that happens in a lot of marriages.

Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

1 John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.

Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Peter 3:1-22 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,

Ephesians 5:21-24 Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Wives often feel that they are called to do the hard part when needs are not in sync. As I mentioned in the introduction, I am writing to wives. So, reading this and thinking, “Well my husband does _______ and doesn’t do ________,” absolutely defeats the point of this study. I want to do my part. Period. You do your part. Period. This might seem harsh, but I find that it should really be a motivator because God uses it as a motivator. If it is good enough for Him to bring it up, I will certainly not apologize for including it. We are designed to desire one another. Marriage is the place where that is fulfilled with God’s blessing. I need to know that only my body is able to provide the beautiful part of marriage to my husband. I want him to be intoxicated in my love. I want him to rejoice in me, his wife! For, intimacy in marriage is beautiful and good and we should rejoice in it. Consider these wise words:

Proverbs 5:15-19 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Song of Solomon 7:6-12 How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Many wives seem to struggle with seeing intimacy as a beautiful gift designed by God. Even women raised to understand the role of a wife and the beauty of marriage can be challenged to enjoy intimacy. Some are nervous or feel that they shouldn’t enjoy this aspect of marriage. God designed us to enjoy intimacy with our husband. He expects us to give our body willingly to our husband! Intimacy is something that is only righteous and honorable between a husband and wife. It is a blessing that brings spouses together in a way that is closer than any other physical relationship. When you think of intimacy, consider that sharing our bodies with one another fulfills needs beyond the physical. Intimacy shows our husband our love – it also offers fulfillment and comfort and security. It makes a man feel strong and desirable when he knows that he, and he alone, can bring this fulfillment to his wife.

Genesis 24:67 Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 19:5  And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

Ephesians 5:31  Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

God designed physical love as a beautiful part of marriage. He blessed us with this amazing gift and wives must see intimacy as God does and allow it to be the blessing it is designed to be. If you struggle with intimacy in your marriage for whatever reason (lack of knowledge, fear of physical intimacy, past abuse, confusion, frustration, expectations that you feel may be unrealistic or ungodly), please seek wisdom for the sake of your marriage! Take action to make your marriage full of all aspects of love! Look to God’s wisdom, share your burden with your husband and seek godly counsel!

Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.


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